


Guilt

by Alexxje



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 19:44:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexxje/pseuds/Alexxje
Summary: Noah visits Zara (Main Character) at her university two months after the Love Island final.





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> There will be some references to an abusive relationship!

Noah's heart pounded heavily in his chest as he stood in the middle of the university of Birmingham. Even though he had to drive for three hours to get there, it still felt like it was enough time to actually think through this decision, to completely say it was a good idea. Maybe she didn't want to see him. It would be a normal reaction, after all that happened. After all that he had done. He glanced at his feet when he though back to it. Love Island. What happened near the final. What happened afterwards. What should have happened. What he hadn't done.  
His eyes shifted back up, taking in his surroundings. Nobody seemed to have noticed his little trip down memory lane. The square was filled with people, new students overwhelmed by all the information each major tried to give them. It made him miss Romford, his home and the local library. His safe space. It felt like that was something he needed right now, but he wasn't running. Not this time. Not after all this time. It took some effort, but he managed to start moving his feet, walking through the sea of people. Politics. That was where he should find her. At least, that seemed to be the case through her Instagram page. For about two weeks now she had shared information on the Politics department, trying to get new students to join their info booth. It even specifically said she was going to be there for all their questions. He could only hope that was true.  
It took him a few more minutes, carefully trying to avoid bumping into too many people, while still focussing his eyes on all the booths around him. But then he noticed her blond hair across the square, her smile brightening everyone's day. She seemed so.. At easy. In her element. The way he'd had the pleasure to see her at the Villa sometimes. Like she belonged there. It made him halt his movements. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe he should have just let her be happy. Maybe-  
Oh no. He had to stop that train of thoughts. It was too late. She had spotted him, and even though her smile stayed on her face, he did notice how the corners of her mouth trembled a bit and the happiness disappeared from her eyes. Okay. This had clearly been a really bad idea.  
"Noah.." She softly muttered. This was it. The moment he had been thinking of - but avoiding - for almost two months now. He moved closer to the booth, swallowing, trying to gather his courage.  
"Hi, Zara.."  
"What.. I'm sorry, but.." She shook her head, as if she was trying to shake her thoughts back together correctly. "What are you doing here?"  
"I just.." He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. He had been thinking about this for so long, so why wasn't he able to talk smoothly, just explain himself? "I saw your posts on your Instagram story, and.. And I had to come see you.."  
"You.. You had to see me now? At the information of my university?" A frown appeared on his face.  
"I understand you're busy.. But.. I just had to come see you.. We need to talk.."  
"Noah, I-"  
"Please." He quickly said, with more determination than normally could be found in his voice. She sighed, glancing around.  
"You go talk to him, Z," another girl behind the booth said, looking at Zara. "You two clearly need this."  
"Will you be okay here?" The brunette nodded.  
"I'll be just fine. Besides, I'll text Taylor to come help me. He owes me after last night." Noah's eyes shifted over to Zara again, noticing how she couldn't hide a small smile.  
"Alright.. Call me if you need my help you!" She turned back towards him, and couldn't hold back another sigh. "Come with me. I know a more quiet place to talk."

Quietly, Noah had been following her through the main square, after which she diverted towards a side building. Two benches were placed in front of it, facing a small fountain that connected a few paths, leading to some more buildings. Without saying a word, she sat down on one of the two, which he quickly did too.  
"So.." He started to say, but not much came out after that.  
"So you wanted to speak to me.."  
"Yes.."  
"After two months."  
"Yes.."  
"Why?" It was hard to miss the coldness and hurt in her voice. Coldness that he put there. Coldness that he deserved.  
"I.. You deserve an apology.."  
"I think I deserve a little more than that, Noah." She turned to him, lifting one leg completely onto the bench. "Yes, you should apologize, but you better explain to me what happened. Love Island was bad enough. But you.. You did something I never expected you to do. Hell, I did things for you that I never expected me to do!"  
"I know.. I know, I'm sorry.." He tried to say, as he was trying to come up with the perfect words in his mind, but it was as she didn't hear him.  
"I snuck around with you. I hit on my friend's boyfriend behind her back. I even slept with him, even though I was coupled up with someone else, and he was coupled up with her. I even made him break up with her the minute the show was over."  
"Zara, you didn't make me do anything.. I.. This is all on me. I was a fool." He remained silent for a split second, contemplating his last words. "...I am a fool.."  
"I did it all because I loved you. I loved you since we were coupled up right before Casa Amor. I thought we had a chance. And every time it became clear there was no chance, you threw me something. A lifeline, perhaps. Or you held a straw out to me. Or whatever the saying is." He didn't even have to look at her eyes to know she was tearing up. He could hear it in her voice, how it had gone softer, and cracked a few time as she tried to keep her emotions in check. He was the reason she was crying, and it was something he hated himself for. "And at the end.. At the end, it seemed worth it. It seemed like me being a bitch to my friend was worth it, because I got what I wanted. You. And then.."  
"...then I stopped talking to you.." Noah muttered, his eyes fixated on his shoes.  
"So, yeah.. Sorry I'm not really happy to be talking to you. It took you two months to come talk to me, even though you said you loved me."  
"I.. I did mean it.. I still do. I do love you."  
"You haven't talked to me in two months! That's longer than we've been in Love Island for!"  
"I.. I know.. And I'm so sorry for that, Zara.. I truly am.. I just.. Hope.."  
"Oh my God.." She muttered. "Okay, no, I'm sorry, I don't have time for this. I'm-"  
"W-Wait, please.. It.. It's not what you think.. Let me explain.. Please.." His heart was racing as he looked back up at her, sitting at the edge of the bench, reading to leave.  
"I've had to hear about you and Hope all through Love Island. I'm not willing to hear about it right now. You two deserve each other."  
"We're not together!" He quickly exclaimed, a bit louder than he wanted to because of his desperation. "We're not together.." He repeated, a bit quieter now, looking down again. "We never were. I never was going to ask her to be my girlfriend, and I also never wanted to continue dating her after the show. The thing is.. What happened.. When I told her about us after the final, she.. She was fuming, obviously.. She started yelling, and Lucas removed her from me, telling me to leave her alone for then. So I did.. And I came to you.." Noah glanced back up, to see if she was still there, fully listening, even though he probably could have noticed if she had left him there. "The day after, though, she contacted me.. Saying she needed an explanation, and she needed me to tell her everything that had happened between us. And she deserved to hear that, so I went to London, to her apartment. She seemed.. More calm at first. She let me speak. She wasn't pleased, made it very clear, but she didn't yell again. But then, after everything she.." He frowned as he thought back to that day, that awful day, in a place that he once imagined to be his new safe place. Somewhere where he could have been himself..  
"...she what? What did she do?" He glanced back up when Zara softly said those words. The look in her eyes had changed. She was interested. Concerned, even though he had been an asshole to her.  
"She seemed delusional. Said she forgave me. That we were the power couple in the Villa and had to have won. That she would take me back. Before I could ask her what she meant, she tried to kiss me. That's when I moved away from her, trying to say that that wasn't what I was there for, and then.." He closed his eyes as the memory flashed back to him, feeling too real. He brought his hand up to touch his cheek, where the burning sensation was present again like it happened moments ago.  
"Noah.. Did she hit you?"


End file.
